


A Pirate's Salty Surprise

by the_hammer



Category: Pocket Monsters: Ruby & Sapphire & Emerald | Pokemon Ruby Sapphire Emerald Versions
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 09:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3565202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_hammer/pseuds/the_hammer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cool Archie has a chill day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Pirate's Salty Surprise

One kawaii morning, Archie woke up bright and early, with a stretch of his gorgeous, tanned muscles that rippled like the waves of the ocean he loved so, so much. Once he rose from his bed, his sheets descended gracefully from his burly frame, the sun beamed through his window, directly spotlighting his choice, muscular ass. Yes. Archie slept in the nude.

  
This is a fact that came as a surprise to Magma leader Maxie, who leaned away from his binoculars to rub at his eyes, before readjusting his view. He tried to tell himself that this mission was for intel only. Don’t get distracted by the ass. But he was so distracted by the ass. It was ridiculous how distracted Maxie became because of the fine pair of buttocks before him. But regardless, he was a man on a mission, and he wasn’t there to fuck around. Oh no. He was there to gain the upper hand.

  
“Nnnnyarrrr…” Archie yawned, twisting yet again before he gave a lazy scratch to his (honestly weird as fuck) beard, and he lumbered towards his bathroom the next room over, and Maxie had his chance.

  
Shutting his binoculars and putting them away, Maxie crept towards the base, using his slender and deft fingers to open the window with ease. He’d scoff at the lack of security, but laughing wasn’t really his thing unless he had somebody to laugh at. And that somebody was in the next room. Probably fantasizing about the long shower he was going to take, too.

What a douchebag.

  
Once he slipped in through the window, Maxie landed silently on the floor, all stealth, like a cat or something. He fished his trusty camera from his pocket, ready to capture anything for intel or blackmail material or a good laugh, he was prepared. His eyebrows furrowed a little at the off-tune pirate shanty he heard being sung from the bathroom, followed by the shower turning on, and his suspicions were confirmed.

  
“Yo ho ho, and a bottle rum we go~”

  
“Yeesh…” Maxie mutters, turning away from the door to focus on the various dressers in the room.

  
He managed to be quiet while he snooped around, although he was careless; he really wanted Archie to be certain that somebody fucked his shit up after he made his escape. But at the moment, his search was fruitless; nothing came up! It was all gadgets that he didn’t care about, about $150 in one dollar bills, random pirate memorabilia, and the standard team Aqua propaganda. Not even something embarrassing! This might have been the most stupid mission Maxie had ever gone on.

  
About to give up on finding anything, he turned around to make his way back towards the window, only to come to a screeching halt. Apparently during his search, he hadn’t heard the shower turn off, but either way, Archie was walking out the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his head, and one loosely tied around his waist. He was still humming that shitty song too, what the fuck.

  
“It’s a pirates life for m...” he trailed off as his attention was drawn to the man standing in the middle of his room, and the most embarrassing gasp made its way from his lips. He flinched, and all at once, both of his towels were sent tumbling from his gorgeous, beefy bod, the one on his head revealing he was still wearing his bandana, and the other revealing his HUGE DICK.

  
“MAXIE!” he roared, and Maxie wasn’t paying attention. He was too busy staring at his crotch.

  
“I can’t fucking believe this! How could this even happen??? Me, Archie? Caught off guard? By Maxie at that?! How could I have been so blind? I should’ve seen all the warning signs ye scallywag- hey. Hey! Maxie! I’m up here!”

  
“Huh? What?” He mumbled, before he shakes himself out of his daze, finally looking up at the Aqua leader’s face. “Oh my stars!”  
Maxie turns a delicious crimson, a much better shade of red than his Ronald McDonald ass hair, and he puffs up his chest like one of those tropical birds to try to make himself seem a bit more intimidating. At the end of the day Maxie was just a scrawny nerd. Archie raises an eyebrow at his little display, and he laughs a hearty, pirates laugh, before he realizes that his towel is on the floor, and he scrambles to pick it up, replacing it around his waist with a grumble. Maxie can’t help his disappointed sigh, before he slaps a hand over his mouth because wow how fucking thirsty was that?

  
“…that was real fuckin thirsty of ye.” Archie confirmed, and Maxie was officially embarrassed. But where was the lie? It would take all the water in the Tristate Region to quench his thirst. Maybe. Probably not. Wait. Why weren’t they fighting right now? He was surprised that Archie even hesitated to try to beat his ass to kingdom come, but maybe the whole being practically naked thing was holding him up.

  
It was then that Maxie realized that Archie being practically naked was holding him up too. He just couldn’t stop staring at him; his chiseled face, the water droplets slowly running over his tanned muscles, only for them to be stopped by the towel at his waist. Archie’s eyes followed where Maxie’s gaze was trailing, and he realized what he’d been staring at this whole entire time.

  
“W-what’s with the steering wheel in your pants?” he blurts out.

  
“That’s mighty forward of ye. Besides…” Archie pauses, reaching out and taking Maxie in his huge bara arms, swiftly pulling him flush to his overly-muscular chest. He leans down, his beard scratching at the side of his face, and Maxie shudders at the feeling. “Is your port hole big enough for my ship?” he whispers in his ear, and Maxie nearly melts at his words. He gives a feeble nod, and Archie flashes his signature pirate grin, to which he mutters “…o-oh my camerupt”- before their lips crashed together.

  
Maxie couldn’t quite explain the odd feeling in his chest as he made out with his arch nemesis. He was a bit more distracted by the tight sensation in his pants, and before he knew it, he felt Archie’s peg leg harden through the (suddenly very thin) towel, and it was a bit of a relief to know that Archie was getting as hot and bothered as he was. His thoughts were interrupted when Archie breaks the kiss to hoist him up into his arms, carrying him over to his king-sized bed, only to toss him down haphazardly like a sack of potatoes or something.

  
A harsh insult was on the tip of his tongue for handling him like that, but it’s lost when Archie let his towel drop to the floor, revealing his mast; thick and pulsating and pretty… jaw-dropping, to be honest. Archie leaned over his enemy’s small frame, using his hand to steady himself as he hovered above him on the mattress, and clothes were coming off. Literally flying off. His shirt? What shirt? He didn’t see any shirt. No pants either. Every clothing item you could think of was on the floor- even his glasses, but Maxie didn’t care because Archie was touching him.

  
Soon, with them both in the nude, Maxie couldn’t possibly take waiting any longer, and he shoots Archie a look of impatience when he fumbled for lube in the side table drawer. He returned with a small blue bottle (which claimed to be water based- extremely. like 75% water. Archie probably just wanted an excuse to put water on his dick.) 3 fingers later, Maxie wasn’t complaining much anymore, and he was positive he was going to spontaneously combust if Archie didn’t get his pirate dick the fuck over there that instant.  
And in that instant, indeed he did. Archie literally got inside him with like, no effort (must’ve been all that water), and Maxie made a noise that sounded kind of like a dolphin. Archie thought that was hot because nautical/aquatic things were sexy as hell, trust us- and he started moving like immediately. He had the stamina of literally a speedboat.

  
“Maxie, I-I’m… I’m really feelin’ it” He growled, as seductively as he could. He ended up sounding like he was gargling rocks.

  
Maxie could only make more dolphin noises in response.

  
What seemed like hours later, Archie’s speedboat stamina was coming to an end, and he was about to blow like a whallord or something. Maxie senses his body tensing up, and a suddEN WHITE HOT SENSATION RIPPED THROUGH THEIR VEINS AS THEIR ORGASMS CRASHED DOWN OVER THEM LIKE A TIDAL WAVE, AND THEY PRACTICALLY EXPLODED WITH PLEASURE. (At the same time, btw. Because that’s hot.)

  
Archie gave a weak pirate’s arg, before he collapses on an equally sweaty and cummy-covered Maxie, who is literally almost crushed under his weight but is saved by the mattress giving way underneath their bodies. He wheezes a little, giving a pat to Archie’s back.  
“Y-you’re not an ordinary fella…” He mumbles, and Archie smiled weakly, before they both passed out for like 72 hours.

 

~fin~

**Author's Note:**

> On 3/17/15, at 8:33 PM, bara arms wrote:  
> > SHOULD I HAVE NOTES AT THE END LIKE
> 
> On 3/17/15, at 8:33 PM, bara arms wrote:  
> > "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARIN"
> 
> On 3/17/15, at 8:33 PM, actual bear wrote:  
> > YES  
> > BUT DO IT
> 
> On 3/17/15, at 8:34 PM, actual bear wrote:  
> > "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARIN! ;'O"


End file.
